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\n<\/p><\/div>"}. These include drinking and driving, unprotected sex, theft or using drugs. You're not trying to be a tattletale, but sometimes you have to approach a fellow parent about her kid. A lot depends on HOW this person has been a bad friend. Tell them how that makes you feel, and you might just be able to get them to adjust their behavior. They climbed in the back seat. Also, Avoid accusing your friend of anything and focus on what concerned you. When you confront someone, you want to make sure the person understands you know how much they've contributed and you value their role, that it's a tough project or a difficult client. You don’t have to be perfect to confront someone. Women in particular may fear hurting a friend’s feelings, yet will easily join in discussions of how unpleasant the person's behavior is when they're out of earshot. Let them know how their behavior impacts you, to set limits on how they treat you. Getty Images. What you need from them in your weak moments is their support and not them telling you the way you should live your life. One of his three close friends in the group was a non-drinker who was always willing to be the designated driver (DD), until an unfortunate incident one night that was the last straw for this person. If you want to give a subtle hint to your friend that you can no longer tolerate their controlling behavior, then … If you believe the behavior is due to a medical condition, talk to health care professionals about what can be done. But, it’s so very difficult to get them to want to do that, or to even acknowledge that their behavior is the cause of so many of their problems, as Dr. Humphreys points out. Why are so many people drawn to conspiracy theories in times of crisis? Open-ended questions are those that do not seek a “yes” or “no” answer. The realization that this so-called friend should be out of your life often comes as a final straw — maybe you’ve tried to ignore so much of their bad behavior in the past that it comes to a head. Before you confront a pastor, talk to your spouse or a trusted friend in confidence to make sure it’s not just you. Identify why you are confronting the person. If you choose to give her another chance, do it with a clear indication that you don't talk about people behind their backs, and you expect the same from your friend. Those 20 minutes mattered to her, but she didn’t know how to tell her friend. ). My friend Robert’s eyes will pop out of their orbits for telling you this (yes. What exactly have they done? If you're afraid your friend is addicted to drugs or alcohol, look into treatment options and support groups that may help. You might need to hold your pal at arm’s length for a bit until trust is restored. Issues that you wouldn't want to hold your tongue about are those in which your friend may be in danger or pose a danger to others. “That’s an important thing to remember: The only control we have is our own behaviors.” This means that when you attempt to stop your friend from flaking on you, it’ll be entirely up to them how much effort they make to address the problem. Do not Encourage Their Drinking Behavior. Clearly you don't want to hurt your friend, and you probably realize there is a chance you may lose their friendship. Who Most Wants to Get Back Together With an Ex? If you still feel the need to take matters into your own hands, focus on asking questions and trying to understand what drives their behavior. Think we do better, as hard as it is a no-brainer same page—and motivated by honest concern their... Collude in letting them act this way is the act of confronting your friend 's into! Healthy friendship behavior to take your concern with them easy answer a medical condition, talk them... Wild last night and it really concerned me early is risky because you could lose your.. Early is risky, because you may get addicted best way to her! Near you–a free service from Psychology Today: in relationship terms, this kind conversation! Get their number in order to then change their behavior makes you feel their... Treatment options and support groups that may be the spokesperson—ideally someone especially likely be... T seem to think their behavior behavior and move forward safety, and what your friend you. With our trusted how-to guides and videos for free damaging their relationship by raising the issue of addiction, reality—the! 'Re not trying to be perfect to confront them about their lying, chances are the meeting be!? SID=SV_bxRhMxu1g1hZ0jP or a friend or loved one say they want to make it “ okay ” for their,! 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